Post by lee.sutton@btinternet.com on Feb 18, 2002 21:33:39 GMT 1
This was sent to me the other day - its very funny and worth a read!
Lee
Due to the current financial situation in the farming industry, the government has decided to place all farmers over the age of 60 on an early retirement scheme. The scheme will be known as RAPE, (Retire Agricultural Personnel Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to join the SHAFT scheme, (Special Help After Farm Termination).
Those workers who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will then be reviewed under the SCREW scheme, (Scheme Created for Retired Early Workers).
Please note that you can only be RAPED once and SHAFTED twice but SCREWED as many times as the government deem appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS, (Additional Income for Dependant Services), or HERPES, (Half Earnings for Rural Personnel on Early Severance).
Those farmers remaining in the industry will receive as much SHIT, (Special High Intensity Training) and CRAP, (Caring Responsive Assistance Program), as possible. As you are aware the government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT and CRAP it gives to farmers.
Should you feel however that you are not receiving enough SHIT or that you are not responding to all the CRAP, please bring this to the attention of the minister as he has been specially trained to give you all the SHIT and CRAP that you can handle.
Lee
Due to the current financial situation in the farming industry, the government has decided to place all farmers over the age of 60 on an early retirement scheme. The scheme will be known as RAPE, (Retire Agricultural Personnel Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to join the SHAFT scheme, (Special Help After Farm Termination).
Those workers who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will then be reviewed under the SCREW scheme, (Scheme Created for Retired Early Workers).
Please note that you can only be RAPED once and SHAFTED twice but SCREWED as many times as the government deem appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS, (Additional Income for Dependant Services), or HERPES, (Half Earnings for Rural Personnel on Early Severance).
Those farmers remaining in the industry will receive as much SHIT, (Special High Intensity Training) and CRAP, (Caring Responsive Assistance Program), as possible. As you are aware the government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT and CRAP it gives to farmers.
Should you feel however that you are not receiving enough SHIT or that you are not responding to all the CRAP, please bring this to the attention of the minister as he has been specially trained to give you all the SHIT and CRAP that you can handle.
